


And let me hold your hand until the shaking subsides

by Sabilandako



Series: Lee Donghyuck/Haechan Loving Hours: Open [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, but donghyuck is so loved, donghyuck is not okay, nct '00 line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27198802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabilandako/pseuds/Sabilandako
Summary: Sometimes, Donghyuck gets tired. Sometimes, he forgets things and sometimes, his hands shake so much. Sometimes, he doesn't notice how fast the world is turning because he's too stuck in a loop of emptiness.Sometimes however, he gets heart-shaped pancakes--they taste similar to round pancakes, but they mean so much more.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Na Jaemin
Series: Lee Donghyuck/Haechan Loving Hours: Open [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1289324
Comments: 4
Kudos: 121





	And let me hold your hand until the shaking subsides

sometimes, donghyuck gets tired.

days have started to blur together, to the point that he doesn’t know what day of the week it is currently nor if it's already the time for him to go to sleep. oftentimes, donghyuck just stays in front of his laptop, stares for a long time, blinks, before going back to his reports--repeat, repeat, rest for a few minutes, and _repeat_. more often than not, he forgets that it's the weekend hence he can take a much needed break, and sometimes, he forgets that it's already 3 am and he's still not sleeping even though he needs to wake up at 5 am for his classes. his classmates call him workaholic because they know he works even on the weekend and he does stay at the campus overtime almost every day, but only he knows it's because he's so _out_ of it that he simply doesn’t notice what day nor time it is.

at first, donghyuck pays it no mind. he's able to do his work efficiently and is able to get started on deliverables even though the deadline's a week away. other than office-related matters however, donghyuck doesn't notice anything strange nor anything worrisome over his routine.

that is until he looks at his hands, one night, when he has just arrived back home after yet another overtime stay at the library.

his hands are _shaking_.

donghyuck doesn’t know the reason behind the sudden trembles of his body--he, however, does not dwell on it and just tiptoes to his room, waving away his roommates who are having a movie marathon in the living room and are calling him to join them.

he just wants to sleep.

(donghyuck notices that his hands have stopped shaking by the time he realizes that there is peaceful silence around the dorm--that his roommates have kept their voices low and the volume of the tv down so as not to disturb him.)

* * *

the second time donghyuck notices how his hands won't stop shaking is when he wakes up on a sunday noon. his alarm is supposed to go off at 9 am so he can start replying to e-mails left in his inbox, but he happens to jerk awake--his heart racing and his hands trembling as he reaches for his phone in panic to look at the time.

it's 11:58 am, and donghyuck doesn't know how to explain the sudden wave of emotion washing through him.

he just locks his phone, stares at the ceiling, and promptly ignores his heart and hands.

(when he comes to, it's 12:11 pm and renjun is threatening him that if he doesn’t go out of his room, he’ll be force-fed lunch by the combined forces of his roommates.)

* * *

it's the fifth time donghyuck notices how bad his trembles are. he's about to get out of bed so he can start preparing for his classes, but his hands won't cooperate with him and won't let him gather some clothes from his cabinet. he's running on 2 hours of sleep, that much he knows, but it still cannot explain why his body seems to want to just _shut down_.

and then his eyes land on his phone again--surprising him greatly, because it's already october 1st yet the last thing he remembers is getting dinner with his roommates for jaemin's birthday last august 13th.

this time he lets his body crash back on the bed, his brain working overdrive as he struggles to remember anything about the past few weeks. it comes to him as a huge tremor shakes his whole body--he does _not_ remember anything about his classes, nor the time spent with his roommates, nor the small personal experiences he had that happened the past weeks.

all he remembers are the hours spent staring at his laptop, mechanically doing his routine for classes until he arrives home, the staring at his ceiling until he falls asleep, and his shaking hands.

he remembers how _bone-deep_ his exhaustion is.

(jaemin calls donghyuck's professor to call in him as sick.)

* * *

a knock at his door startles donghyuck, yet he doesn’t make any move to acknowledge whoever it is. after processing the gaps in his memories and the physical and emotional numbness he has been experiencing, it's like his body has finally decided to just shut his whole system down. 

maybe it's a good thing that he's here now resting, or maybe _not_ as he's left alone with thoughts and worries he doesn’t want to deal with--but he's _too_ tired to care.

as such, he can't find it in himself to care that the person already decided to come inside his room, open the curtains (telling donghyuck that the sun has already risen since), and put a plate stacked with pancakes on his bedside table.

"i made you breakfast." jeno whispers from where he's standing near the bed, staring at the prone figure of donghyuck covered with blankets still. "don't eat them cold, okay?"

(when donghyuck just hums, the older man smiles before fixing the blanket so that they cover donghyuck properly.)

* * *

it's probably mid-afternoon when donghyuck rises from the bed. the whole dorm is quiet, save for the muted bickering probably happening between jaemin and renjun. jeno seems to be joining as well, although he's more on egging the two to fight more than actually trying to act as their mediator.

his body still feels tired despite not doing anything for a long time, and his mind still feels numb. however, it's better than before, as he's able to remember things now. not everything, but the most _important_ things.

he remembers the quiet nights when his roommates would give him space, the loud dinners when they would make sure he's eating. the round fluffy pancakes they would always cook for him before he goes to classes even though he always leaves the dorm at 6 in the morning. he remembers how his hands would stop shaking whenever his roommates would be in his presence.

and he looks at the now-cold pancakes on his bedside table and is surprised at how they're shaped as hearts this time around.

(donghyuck's tired and he's worried about how he always doesn't remember things, but he has his roommates, all the time in the world to fix whatever is wrong, and his heart-shaped pancakes.)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by @dog_feelings' tweet last April 22, 2019:
> 
> "gooooob morning. the human made me a pancake. in the shape of a heart. it tasted similar to a circle pancake. but meant a lot more."
> 
> and now this monster of a fic was born out of a simple tweet. mwah.
> 
> anyway, this has been super hard to write bc??? idk it's short but it needs so so so hard to contain the right words so i can encapsulate what i want to say jfsjbddj i dont know if i succeeded tho? ;A; also i'm scARED bc this is not my usual genre hnnnnnng >A<
> 
> let me know what you think about the story! <3 And let's see if i can post another hyuck-centric fic (or update my child-hyuck fic) before the year ends lol
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!~ Comments and kudos are much appreciated! <3


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